Getting Parents Involved

Not only is your wedding day going to be one of the most memorable days of your life, but your parent's as well.  They have  watched you grow up and to see you start a new life for yourself is a dream they have had for a long time. They are usually more than excited to take part in the planning process of the wedding, and you should make every effort to allow them to participate in the planning. 

By allowing the parents to be involved, it takes added stress off of yourself and it allows the families to become better acquainted beforehand.  If parents have never met before, take them out for lunch or dinner to break the ice.  If they live farther apart where this would be impossible, make a point to make a phone call where they can become acquainted, or have your parents write a little letter.  This is the perfect time for both sets of parents to congratulate one another without making either feel uncomfortable.  If one set of parents or friends host an engagement party, be sure to include the parents on both sides to help them know a little about one another beforehand.

After you become engaged, you will want to share the news with the parents first.  Sit down with them, shortly after the engagement and discuss what type of wedding you will have, and the finances.  At this time you can outline the scope of things and see who will be paying for what. You and your fiance' should have in mind your preferences beforehand, but be prepared that your parents will have ideas of their own.  Be open to their ideas, but also keep in mind that it is your wedding day, and you should feel most comfortable as the couple.

Determining the wedding budget will take a considerable amount of time, and may be the most uncomfortable part of the wedding.  Keep in mind that if your parents are able to help out with your finances, they are doing so because they wish to, not because they have to.  Be appreciative, and accept their wishes.  Do not look for an extravagant wedding if they are only able to contribute in a small way unless you are able to foot the rest of the bill. Under no circumstances should you make your parents feel pressured to provide and extravagant wedding if their budget does not allow.  Working together is the key in planning a successful wedding budget. Know the preliminary costs of the wedding before the final budget is worked out, this way it leaves nobody falling short of finances in the end.

Old tradition dictated that the bride's family paid for the bulk of the wedding, however, today this is not always the case with many weddings being financed by the bride and groom.  Many couples get married at a later age these days and are more independent than couples of the past. This is acceptable and even commonplace today.  It depends on each individual couple.

If you are assuming that your parents will cover certain costs of the wedding, DON'T!  Be straight forward and ask them in a polite way if they are able to help out. Know in advance what wedding expenses you might need help in covering, and talk to them to see if their budget will allow it.

Try to keep both sets of parents informed on the timeline of your wedding.  Let them know that you will need a guest list from them, the amount of people you are allowing each side to invite, and when you will need it by.  The mothers will usually contact one another to discuss the colors and styles of the dresses they plan on wearing. Perhaps you can set them up to go shopping with each other to help coordinate the style of the outfits,  and to make it an afternoon lunch date. What a better way to allow all of you to spend some time together, and it gives the mothers a better chance to know one another.