Getting Parents Involved
Not only is your wedding day going to be one of the most
memorable days of your life, but your parent's as well. They
have watched you grow up and to see you start a new
life for yourself is a dream they have had for a long time. They are
than excited to take part in the planning process of the wedding, and
you should make every effort to allow them to participate in the
By allowing the parents to be involved, it takes added stress off
of yourself and it allows the families to become better acquainted
beforehand. If parents have never met before, take them out for
lunch or dinner to break the ice. If they live farther apart where
this would be impossible, make a point to make a phone call where they
can become acquainted, or have your parents write a little letter.
This is the perfect time for both sets of parents to congratulate one
another without making either feel uncomfortable. If one set of
parents or friends host an engagement party, be sure to include the
parents on both sides to help them know a little about one another
After you become engaged, you will want to share the news with the
parents first. Sit down with them, shortly after the engagement
and discuss what type of wedding you will have, and the finances.
At this time you can outline the scope of things and see who will be
paying for what. You and your fiance' should have in mind your
preferences beforehand, but be prepared that your parents will have
ideas of their own. Be open to their ideas, but also keep in mind
that it is your wedding day, and you should feel most comfortable as the
Determining the wedding budget will take a considerable amount of
time, and may be the most uncomfortable part of the wedding. Keep
in mind that if your parents are able to help out with your finances,
they are doing so because they wish to, not because they have to.
Be appreciative, and accept their wishes. Do not look for an
extravagant wedding if they are only able to contribute in a small way
unless you are able to foot the rest of the bill. Under no circumstances
should you make your parents feel pressured to provide and extravagant
wedding if their budget does not allow. Working together
is the key in planning a successful wedding budget. Know the preliminary
costs of the wedding before the final budget is worked out, this way it
leaves nobody falling short of finances in the end.
Old tradition dictated that the bride's family paid for the bulk of
the wedding, however, today this is not always the case with many
weddings being financed by the bride and groom. Many couples get
married at a later age these days and are more independent than couples
of the past. This is acceptable and even commonplace today. It depends on each individual couple.
If you are assuming that your parents will cover certain costs of the
wedding, DON'T! Be straight forward and ask them in a polite way
if they are able to help out. Know in advance what wedding expenses you
might need help in covering, and talk to them to see if their budget
will allow it.
Try to keep both sets of parents informed on the timeline of your
wedding. Let them know that you will need a guest list from them,
the amount of people you are allowing each side to invite, and when you
will need it by. The mothers will usually contact one another to
discuss the colors and styles of the dresses they plan on wearing.
Perhaps you can set them up to go shopping with each other to help
coordinate the style of the outfits, and to make it an afternoon
lunch date. What a better way to allow all of you to spend some time
together, and it gives the mothers a better chance to know one